Trusting and Allowing the Father to Work Through You

this past week in chapel, i got an opportunity to share a song that i wrote about the devastation brought about by the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan.it wasn't something that i spent an incredible amount of time on or anything, more like a spur of the moment and it all just came together. 

but after i found out that my good fren from high school, who's japanese, lost her home to the earthquake, and had yet to find her parents, the words of my song began to mean so much more to me, and i started to care a lot more about what was going on in Japan, the devastation and aftermath. 

i had 2 of my friends here at college to play the piano and sing with me, but still i was shaking before it was time for us to sing. i was very very nervous. and i felt very vulnerable. for once, i didn't have my guitar to hide behind, and i knew i had to keep my emotions in check to finish singing the song. 

my biggest worry was my emotions. it was the first time that i was going to share with people something that i wrote, and also, i had found out that my friend, was headed back to Japan to search for her parents. i was very afraid that she would get hurt, that i may never see her again. plus, i felt like i had no clue what i was doing and wanted to back out of it all. 

i remember whispering a prayer just as we were getting on stage, for God to do something. i was nervous, n people who knew kept telling me to focus on my friend, which just made me want to cry. i chose to share the song because i wanted people to know what was going on out there, and also, i wanted them to see that even in hopeless situations, that He could still work wonders. I wanted people to know how blessed they were, and how much those people were in need. 

the vulnerability i felt hit really hard when i had to share the "history" of the song. i was literally pouring my heart out to people, and i had no idea how they would respond. having spent time talking and listen to my friend share about all she was going through, the words of the song just seem to come alive. by the time i was done, i was struggling to hold back tears. 

i know God moved my heart, but it was only after all the comments that i saw how He was moving in the lives of others as well. it was not longer about me, and i was so glad that people were touched by the song, and they experienced God in some way through it. 

ever so often, trusting God seems near impossible. especially when we have many other things going on in our minds. but when u make that choice to trust Him, you will see Him moving and touching lives, beyond your imagination. 

The Smile of a Child

last night, we had a sleep out event to raise awareness for malaria, and earlier today, some of us headed to a hospital to spend some time with kids there. 

i love little kids and i could watch them all day long. i love watching them get all excited over the little things, their beautiful smiles. the one thing that really struck me this weekend, was the suffering of the all the kids. 

at our 'imagine no malaria' event, we learned that in Africa, a child dies from malaria every 45 secs. at the hospital, we spend time with kids who were terminally ill, some too young to even understand what they were going through, but still they we smiling and playful. bringing so much joy. 

it made me ask God why. why He allowed them to suffer, why He couldn't just save them all. but then i saw how He was working through their lives. these kids, sick they maybe, but they had the biggest hearts that had so much love, the biggest smiles that carried so much joy. there were some kids who were 'visitors' and just came to hang out. i saw new friendships made, exchanging coloring pages. 

if God could use the little kids, who were sick, some hooked up to machines. what more can He do through us? but first we have to be willing to obey His Word, and allow Him to do the work in and through us. Even if you think you don't have anything to offer, He can still use you. 

these kids had nothing to offer except their child-likeness, their love, their smile. and God is using them. to touch the lives of everyone around them. the doctors, nurses, visitors, friends, family. 

i remember the smile of the children, and i remember that no one is ever too young to be used by God. :) 

He Knows Everything About You

have you ever wondered how well God really knows you? He's suppose to know everything about you, even the things you don't tell anyone. yet i've realized, especially when things don't seem to be working out my way, i starting doubting how well God really knows me. if He knows, then why aren't things working out? 

the problem? what i want might not always be the best for me. which is why sometimes, things don't go right, and i might get disappointed, upset, even furious some times. but ultimately, He sees the big picture and only lets me have the best. 

this past week has taught me that lesson. well, more like a reminder because i've been taught one time too many.. the first event of spring break for me was a counselors retreat out at camp. a time for us to get to know each other and have a blast. it was there that i found out that ropes training, which was suppose to be my plans for spring break, was cancelled. and i was just really bummed about it. it was one of the reasons i wanted to work out at camp, and it just really crushed me. 

why? it was too late to join my friends on the spring break trip to colorado, something i had to turn down because of camp. and now i basically had nothing to do all break long. how boring. but clearly, God had better plans because late Sunday night/ Monday morning, because of my own stupidity, i ended up dislocating my shoulder. which would mean, if ropes training was not cancelled, i wouldn't have been able to participate due to my dislocated shoulder. which would have made me even more frustrated than i was about the cancelled training. 

right until break started, i was exhausted from school. and turns out, not having anything to do this week, just doing a little here and there, and sleeping. lots, was the rest that i really needed. and i've not told anyone, but i've struggled with loneliness the past few months, not because i dont have friends here. but because i miss my friends that i was really close to from high school and some others from back home. and in the strangest ways, i've been able to talk to them this past week and that alone has made me fell so much better. 

so yes, God does know me. everything about me. and i'm pretty sure He knows you too. so next time you think that He doesn't care about your life, pause a second and think about how things in your life has worked out when you least expect it to. it's not because of luck, it's because God allowed it to be. :) 

What Does God Want?

what does God want? sometimes the thought of asking what God wants for your life can be a scary thought. i know it scares me. mostly because my greatest fear is that what He wants, won't be what I want. but then comes the question: who's is better? what God wants for my life, or what i want for my life? 


after living this life for 20+ years, i'll have to admit, trusting God and letting Him do what He wants with my life is a lot better than trying to figure out what i want to do with it. Not just because He knows everything and sees the big plan, but because He's proven to me time and time again that He knows what He's doing. and yes that includes letting me make mistakes and learn from them. 


many times, even when i know God's choice is better, im still stubborn and would rather do things my own way because i dont think i can do what He wants me to do. usually it is that way mostly because that's the only way that i'll learn to trust God and turn to Him for help. but of course i would still make the same mistake every time. 


when i was 8 years old, someone told me i was going to be a worship leader. i paid no attention to it at all because you bet i didn't believe in it. i was just a kid. in my head, being a worship leader meant having to know some kind of music, play some kind of instrument. all i could do at that point was tinkle some notes on the piano which i hated practicing on. so u could probably understand why i thought it was not for me. 


of course God knew what He was doing because here i am 12 years later, doing what i thought was never going to be possible. and it's become my dream because i know that's part of my calling.i look back at my life and i can see that whenever i doubted God the most, He does something crazy that proves to me He knows exactly what He's doing. and many years later, i see that His way was the best way. 


this weekend, i've learned to follow God and the leadership of the Holy Spirit while leading worship and it has really blown my mind. my 2 opportunities of worship leading were worship night at covenant group and at a high school lock in. 


God had impressed upon my heart as i asked Him what was it that He wanted my covenant group to know. it had to be more than just worship. and even when i got the word and i knew exactly what it was suppose to say, i didn't want to do it. if there was one thing i disliked most about worship leading, is that i have to talk. i have to say something, to people and i hate public speaking and know i had to say something that i had no clue if people would be receptive to scared me. n then when it came time for it, i had no choice but to say it, i was shaking real bad. and then for a moment people we just doing what they were told. n then came the song. n something just overcame me. i could feel the spirit just like "rush" through my body and then people were starting to weep. and i was scared. again. cos i didnt know what to do but i felt that i had to change from our 'plan' and stay w the moment. which when i did, i prayed that my co leader wouldnt hate me for that. in the end, despite all my scares, i know that God moved and people were touched and something changed. 


then comes fri night. after a long night playing capture the flag, i was desperately trying to plan worship for the lock in. i dont even know these kids that i would be leading. n it was hard. when 3am rolled around, i decided to just throw something together and then "wing it" so i could get to bed. yeah. that doesn't always work with God. and so for the life of me, despite not sleep the night before, i spent the night tossing and turning, because i couldnt' be at peace with myself about the worship set.  and of cos i would be the smarty pants to try and wrestle with God about it. and then i just said " you know what God, just do it which ever way u want. as long as u tell me what u want, i'll do your way." 


when i dragged myself out of bed hours later, i realized. that's what it was about the whole time. worship is meant to be about God, for God, i had been freaking out so much that i didnt even stop to ask Him what He wanted. all i cared about was putting something together that people would approve of. i made the same mistake with the 2nd worship session for the lock in and when i finally said "God do something!", all the "issues" i was having went away. and i couldnt have felt more stupid. 


and so if you ever wondered if it's ok to ask God what He wants?  the answer is yes. i'm pretty sure He would like it better if you asked Him what He wanted instead of just being so wrapped up around what you want because He does care about you and your life. even if He knows that u're going to make a mistake, He's going to make sure He's there to catch you when you fall because that is the loving Father that He is. 


sometimes when we get what we want, and it goes terribly wrong, we blame God and ask why if He cared, did He allow us to do it anyways? truth is, there are times when only after we fall and learn from the mistakes we made, do we grow. and it could hurt, some things more than others. but He always knows what's going on. and that's why God never lets you out of His sight. when you fall, He's right there to pick you back up. 


life can be a roller coaster. it takes u up, down, spins u around and around. but no matter what life throws at you, turn to the Father and ask "What do you want in my life" and surrender everything to Him. give Him control of that steering wheel and u'll never have to worry about going off track ever. 

Servanthood

over the past week, i was blessed with the opportunity to run the sound board for "CHICAGO the musical" at SC. i jumped into it, even tho it made my schedule extra crazy n i was exhausted. but it is an experience i wouldnt trade for anything. 

the idea of servanthood and loving others have been swimming in my head as of late and the night before the show started, it dawned on me that God was opening a huge door for me. i found myself being comfortable around the cast and crew and even the jazz band. around people that i knew by face and name, never ever spoke to. and by the end of the the last show, i knew i had new friends, people that i enjoyed working with. people that i can now say hi to when i see them. 

one of the things we did with the show was having dinner before each show. so the audience, if they chose to purchase tickets with dinner, would get to have a meal, served by the cast. i found myself landing a hand and i'll have to say, busting tables was a very humbling experience for me. and even tho it was quite a task going back and forth through tables, talking with people, squeezing through tight spaces, working with the cast was a lot of fun. and knowing that people were very happy with the food and service made it all worth while. 

i also found myself ushering because no one else could do it. and even though i was doing things i didn't have to, it just made me happy doing them. knowing that i could help in some way was just so much fun. and knowing that what i did was appreciated after was very rewarding. having theater people say that they would love to have me work with them again meant so much. 

God has showed me how serving others can be rewarding as well. it doesn't always have to be about you. i know i had more fun working this show because i was able to serve others than i ever would if i had chosen to just stick to what i was suppose to do. 

look around you today. is there something that you can do to serve someone? a friend, family, community? 

Held in His Embrace

lately i've been kinda in the dumps. the past few weeks have been rough, and it felt like everything was just spiraling out of control. it felt like no one cared, no one could understand. i was so frustrated with everything and was literally worn out. 


i questioned why God allowed certain things to happen. i wondered if He cared. and if He did, where was He when my world was seemingly crashing down on me? i even stopped talking to Him because i decided that i really shouldnt bother Him anw. 


because im so terribly good at keeping things to myself, i just began to bottle everything up. the more i did it, the more i wanted to hide from the world. people were driving me nuts. nothing was going right. and of cos it didn't take too long before i hit my breaking point. 


i had so many things running through my mind. i wanted everyone to leave me alone, but at the same time, i felt so lonely. i wanted so bad to just leave this place n run away. but when i was so broken, and cried out, He came to my rescue. 


the loving Father, heard my cries, and in my brokenness, came to meet me and brought me so much comfort. He showed me that He has been there every step of the way. Every time i thought He wasn't there, He was right there, waiting for me to turn to Him and reach out. n that night, i cried my heart out to God, n i knew He understood. He understood everything and i no longer had to hide behind that mask that i put on each day. 


sometimes i can't help but laugh at my own silliness. when i get upset, and frustrated, i forget that i have a dad who loves me anyways. even if i make mistakes and stumble, He's right there waiting to catch me. and no matter what i do, He continually showers me with His love. that's all i need. that's all anyone needs. 


it doesnt matter if your world comes crashing down. He will never leave Your side. 

Who is God?

a little while ago, during one of our prayer group session, we did a little activity which really opened my mind to who God really is. it is rather fun, and not too hard to do at all. 

1. have everyone close their eyes and think of words that describe God

2. at random (or popcorn as Americans like to call it) just say those characteristics out loud

3. open eyes and share which word(s) stood out the most

you will be surprised at the words that describes God. or at least i was. sure u'll have the common answers like love, shelter, amazing, glorious.... but then as u start to dig a little deeper, you hear words like servant, sacred, sensitive, victorious, creative, colorful... there is a long long list if you keep going. 

"SERVANT" left a deep impression on me. it is so easily to see ourselves in that "servant" position but i personally have never thought of God to be a servant, just the one whom we serve. the first image that comes to mind is that of Jesus, washing the feet of His disciples. sometimes when we think of ourselves having to take that role of a servant, we think of all the things we have to "sacrifice", the "service" we have to do for others before we are considered to have a "servant heart".God made the biggest sacrifice when He gave His only Son, to die on the cross for our sins. That is an act far greater than anything we can ever do and it's not about who makes the biggest sacrifice and has the biggest servant heart. it's about how much and what u're willing to sacrifice and serve others before God set the first example and sent Jesus to the cross for our sins. 

many of the words that were mentioned during the activity taught me or reminded me of who God is. it's so easy to forget things we don't often think about. so easy to forget the good and loving Father that He is. 

who is God? can u pick a word to describe him? take a moment to remember all that He is to u and learn more about who He truly is.