Under the Shadow of His Wing

what does it mean to live under the shadow of God's wing? growing up, several of my favorite songs have the words "under the shadow of Your wing" there's the idea of safety, protection, comfort, under His wing. but what does that really mean? and then there's the image of God and He soars like an eagle in the wind. as a child, i always imagined that God was a big, powerful eagle, and as He soared in the sky, there's little me that's hiding right under His wing, safe from everything else. 


this past weekend was good friday and easter, a time where we remember the death of Christ and celebrate His resurrection. while most people were in church, at meditative services, i was out in the country, at a barn, mowing this huge lawn on a beastly mower. so i asked God to teach me something while i was VERY HAPPILY driving this mower with all its power. plus, it felt like i was riding a horse which made it even more awesome. up and down, back and forth. as much fun as i was having with the mower, when u have a big area to cover, it slowly will begin to get a tad boring. 


so i'm going fast on this great beastly mower, having the time of my life (yes, it was very exciting to this Asian kid that has never mowed a lawn), and all of a sudden, i see this huge shadow coming from above me and it looked like a bird so i literally thought that this giant bird was going to attack me from the top/behind and started slowing down to a stop. in the middle of the field.(mind you, there were people around who were preparing for a wedding reception. which was why i was 'rushing' to get this field mowed).  then the shadow got smaller so i looked up, just to make sure there really wasn't anything that was going to attack me. but instead of this giant bird flying through the sky as i was expecting, this "giant bird" was merely a hawk catching the wind and soaring through the sky. 


my first thought? "WOW". now i feel enlightened about the phrase "under the shadow of Your wing". the idea of being safe under the shadow of His wing makes so much sense now, not because we're small, but because the shadow is HUGE. also, to create such a huge shadow, God has to be above us, and He watches us from above, with the bird's eye view, keep us safe from all danger. 


something i've learned recently is that God really can teach you through anything. especially when you least expect it. you just have to ask. so next time you're stuck doing something and you're at the brink of boredom, ask God to teach you something through whatever you're doing. if He can teach me something when i was happily mowing the field on the monster mower, imagine what else He could teach you if you asked of Him. 

Pause, Catch A Breath.

the past weekend and week has been really really crazy. swamped with countless activities, tests, assignments, research papers.... countless hours spent doing everything but studying, n then the many hours of sleep forsaken trying to catch up on the books. 


but despite everything that was going in school, it was the things on my mind that troubled me the most. as you probably would have heard by now, Japan was hit hard by a massive earthquake and tsunami on march 11. my friend from high school (we played together in a band) lost her home to the earthquake and until today, more than a month later, has yet to find her parents or any other relatives. since she made the decision to return to Japan to search for them, there's been 3 major aftershock earthquakes in the past week n i have yet to hear from her. i can only pray that she is still safe some where. 


so yes i've been feeling so mentally, physically n emotionally drained. n its in this valley where i start to ask, where is God in all this? i feel like my life is spiraling very quickly out of control. where is God? i'm sure He knows the pain and suffering of Japan. where is God? all the plans i had that were suppose to work now no longer seem to exist. where is God? i really could use some God in my life now. where is God? 


if u do already know, i have a little obsession with take pictures. n because i love sunsets, i always take a ton of sunset pics. so over this past week of insanity, i take a couple of minutes every day, to watch the sunset and capture moments of it. to sit in the peace and quiet, just watching the sun go down as it colors the sky all around it. this is something that has helped me hang on to that very thin thread all week. there is something very calming about watching the sun go down. watching it paint the skies with magnificent colors. it is in those moments that i can't help but marvel at His beautiful creation. 


it is in those moments of stillness that i found the answer. i've been like a train running non stop. rest isn't an option. every time something is complete, it's time to start moving on to the next thing. with everything starting to overwhelm me, the focus was keeping my head above the water, not so much of trying to see how God was working in my life. but as always, in His still gentle voice, I hear the gentle assuring voice. all those times i asked "where is God?", He was right there beside me. i just couldn't see it because i was too caught up with everything else. because He wasn't where i wanted Him to be, to me, He wasn't there. 


i've learned to treasure those moments of watching the sun go down. to pause, and catch my breath before i take off in a dead sprint to finish something else. i've learned to stop and see where God is, how He is constantly at work in our lives, even when we fail to see it. 

just as the sun sets everyday, we know it's going to rise in the morning. at the end of each day, commit all your worries, frustrations, pain to God, because when the morning comes around, He'll turn them into joy. don't keep asking "God, where are you?" because He's always right by your side. ask "God, help me to see what You see." 

Trusting and Allowing the Father to Work Through You

this past week in chapel, i got an opportunity to share a song that i wrote about the devastation brought about by the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan.it wasn't something that i spent an incredible amount of time on or anything, more like a spur of the moment and it all just came together. 

but after i found out that my good fren from high school, who's japanese, lost her home to the earthquake, and had yet to find her parents, the words of my song began to mean so much more to me, and i started to care a lot more about what was going on in Japan, the devastation and aftermath. 

i had 2 of my friends here at college to play the piano and sing with me, but still i was shaking before it was time for us to sing. i was very very nervous. and i felt very vulnerable. for once, i didn't have my guitar to hide behind, and i knew i had to keep my emotions in check to finish singing the song. 

my biggest worry was my emotions. it was the first time that i was going to share with people something that i wrote, and also, i had found out that my friend, was headed back to Japan to search for her parents. i was very afraid that she would get hurt, that i may never see her again. plus, i felt like i had no clue what i was doing and wanted to back out of it all. 

i remember whispering a prayer just as we were getting on stage, for God to do something. i was nervous, n people who knew kept telling me to focus on my friend, which just made me want to cry. i chose to share the song because i wanted people to know what was going on out there, and also, i wanted them to see that even in hopeless situations, that He could still work wonders. I wanted people to know how blessed they were, and how much those people were in need. 

the vulnerability i felt hit really hard when i had to share the "history" of the song. i was literally pouring my heart out to people, and i had no idea how they would respond. having spent time talking and listen to my friend share about all she was going through, the words of the song just seem to come alive. by the time i was done, i was struggling to hold back tears. 

i know God moved my heart, but it was only after all the comments that i saw how He was moving in the lives of others as well. it was not longer about me, and i was so glad that people were touched by the song, and they experienced God in some way through it. 

ever so often, trusting God seems near impossible. especially when we have many other things going on in our minds. but when u make that choice to trust Him, you will see Him moving and touching lives, beyond your imagination. 

The Smile of a Child

last night, we had a sleep out event to raise awareness for malaria, and earlier today, some of us headed to a hospital to spend some time with kids there. 

i love little kids and i could watch them all day long. i love watching them get all excited over the little things, their beautiful smiles. the one thing that really struck me this weekend, was the suffering of the all the kids. 

at our 'imagine no malaria' event, we learned that in Africa, a child dies from malaria every 45 secs. at the hospital, we spend time with kids who were terminally ill, some too young to even understand what they were going through, but still they we smiling and playful. bringing so much joy. 

it made me ask God why. why He allowed them to suffer, why He couldn't just save them all. but then i saw how He was working through their lives. these kids, sick they maybe, but they had the biggest hearts that had so much love, the biggest smiles that carried so much joy. there were some kids who were 'visitors' and just came to hang out. i saw new friendships made, exchanging coloring pages. 

if God could use the little kids, who were sick, some hooked up to machines. what more can He do through us? but first we have to be willing to obey His Word, and allow Him to do the work in and through us. Even if you think you don't have anything to offer, He can still use you. 

these kids had nothing to offer except their child-likeness, their love, their smile. and God is using them. to touch the lives of everyone around them. the doctors, nurses, visitors, friends, family. 

i remember the smile of the children, and i remember that no one is ever too young to be used by God. :) 

He Knows Everything About You

have you ever wondered how well God really knows you? He's suppose to know everything about you, even the things you don't tell anyone. yet i've realized, especially when things don't seem to be working out my way, i starting doubting how well God really knows me. if He knows, then why aren't things working out? 

the problem? what i want might not always be the best for me. which is why sometimes, things don't go right, and i might get disappointed, upset, even furious some times. but ultimately, He sees the big picture and only lets me have the best. 

this past week has taught me that lesson. well, more like a reminder because i've been taught one time too many.. the first event of spring break for me was a counselors retreat out at camp. a time for us to get to know each other and have a blast. it was there that i found out that ropes training, which was suppose to be my plans for spring break, was cancelled. and i was just really bummed about it. it was one of the reasons i wanted to work out at camp, and it just really crushed me. 

why? it was too late to join my friends on the spring break trip to colorado, something i had to turn down because of camp. and now i basically had nothing to do all break long. how boring. but clearly, God had better plans because late Sunday night/ Monday morning, because of my own stupidity, i ended up dislocating my shoulder. which would mean, if ropes training was not cancelled, i wouldn't have been able to participate due to my dislocated shoulder. which would have made me even more frustrated than i was about the cancelled training. 

right until break started, i was exhausted from school. and turns out, not having anything to do this week, just doing a little here and there, and sleeping. lots, was the rest that i really needed. and i've not told anyone, but i've struggled with loneliness the past few months, not because i dont have friends here. but because i miss my friends that i was really close to from high school and some others from back home. and in the strangest ways, i've been able to talk to them this past week and that alone has made me fell so much better. 

so yes, God does know me. everything about me. and i'm pretty sure He knows you too. so next time you think that He doesn't care about your life, pause a second and think about how things in your life has worked out when you least expect it to. it's not because of luck, it's because God allowed it to be. :) 

What Does God Want?

what does God want? sometimes the thought of asking what God wants for your life can be a scary thought. i know it scares me. mostly because my greatest fear is that what He wants, won't be what I want. but then comes the question: who's is better? what God wants for my life, or what i want for my life? 


after living this life for 20+ years, i'll have to admit, trusting God and letting Him do what He wants with my life is a lot better than trying to figure out what i want to do with it. Not just because He knows everything and sees the big plan, but because He's proven to me time and time again that He knows what He's doing. and yes that includes letting me make mistakes and learn from them. 


many times, even when i know God's choice is better, im still stubborn and would rather do things my own way because i dont think i can do what He wants me to do. usually it is that way mostly because that's the only way that i'll learn to trust God and turn to Him for help. but of course i would still make the same mistake every time. 


when i was 8 years old, someone told me i was going to be a worship leader. i paid no attention to it at all because you bet i didn't believe in it. i was just a kid. in my head, being a worship leader meant having to know some kind of music, play some kind of instrument. all i could do at that point was tinkle some notes on the piano which i hated practicing on. so u could probably understand why i thought it was not for me. 


of course God knew what He was doing because here i am 12 years later, doing what i thought was never going to be possible. and it's become my dream because i know that's part of my calling.i look back at my life and i can see that whenever i doubted God the most, He does something crazy that proves to me He knows exactly what He's doing. and many years later, i see that His way was the best way. 


this weekend, i've learned to follow God and the leadership of the Holy Spirit while leading worship and it has really blown my mind. my 2 opportunities of worship leading were worship night at covenant group and at a high school lock in. 


God had impressed upon my heart as i asked Him what was it that He wanted my covenant group to know. it had to be more than just worship. and even when i got the word and i knew exactly what it was suppose to say, i didn't want to do it. if there was one thing i disliked most about worship leading, is that i have to talk. i have to say something, to people and i hate public speaking and know i had to say something that i had no clue if people would be receptive to scared me. n then when it came time for it, i had no choice but to say it, i was shaking real bad. and then for a moment people we just doing what they were told. n then came the song. n something just overcame me. i could feel the spirit just like "rush" through my body and then people were starting to weep. and i was scared. again. cos i didnt know what to do but i felt that i had to change from our 'plan' and stay w the moment. which when i did, i prayed that my co leader wouldnt hate me for that. in the end, despite all my scares, i know that God moved and people were touched and something changed. 


then comes fri night. after a long night playing capture the flag, i was desperately trying to plan worship for the lock in. i dont even know these kids that i would be leading. n it was hard. when 3am rolled around, i decided to just throw something together and then "wing it" so i could get to bed. yeah. that doesn't always work with God. and so for the life of me, despite not sleep the night before, i spent the night tossing and turning, because i couldnt' be at peace with myself about the worship set.  and of cos i would be the smarty pants to try and wrestle with God about it. and then i just said " you know what God, just do it which ever way u want. as long as u tell me what u want, i'll do your way." 


when i dragged myself out of bed hours later, i realized. that's what it was about the whole time. worship is meant to be about God, for God, i had been freaking out so much that i didnt even stop to ask Him what He wanted. all i cared about was putting something together that people would approve of. i made the same mistake with the 2nd worship session for the lock in and when i finally said "God do something!", all the "issues" i was having went away. and i couldnt have felt more stupid. 


and so if you ever wondered if it's ok to ask God what He wants?  the answer is yes. i'm pretty sure He would like it better if you asked Him what He wanted instead of just being so wrapped up around what you want because He does care about you and your life. even if He knows that u're going to make a mistake, He's going to make sure He's there to catch you when you fall because that is the loving Father that He is. 


sometimes when we get what we want, and it goes terribly wrong, we blame God and ask why if He cared, did He allow us to do it anyways? truth is, there are times when only after we fall and learn from the mistakes we made, do we grow. and it could hurt, some things more than others. but He always knows what's going on. and that's why God never lets you out of His sight. when you fall, He's right there to pick you back up. 


life can be a roller coaster. it takes u up, down, spins u around and around. but no matter what life throws at you, turn to the Father and ask "What do you want in my life" and surrender everything to Him. give Him control of that steering wheel and u'll never have to worry about going off track ever. 

Servanthood

over the past week, i was blessed with the opportunity to run the sound board for "CHICAGO the musical" at SC. i jumped into it, even tho it made my schedule extra crazy n i was exhausted. but it is an experience i wouldnt trade for anything. 

the idea of servanthood and loving others have been swimming in my head as of late and the night before the show started, it dawned on me that God was opening a huge door for me. i found myself being comfortable around the cast and crew and even the jazz band. around people that i knew by face and name, never ever spoke to. and by the end of the the last show, i knew i had new friends, people that i enjoyed working with. people that i can now say hi to when i see them. 

one of the things we did with the show was having dinner before each show. so the audience, if they chose to purchase tickets with dinner, would get to have a meal, served by the cast. i found myself landing a hand and i'll have to say, busting tables was a very humbling experience for me. and even tho it was quite a task going back and forth through tables, talking with people, squeezing through tight spaces, working with the cast was a lot of fun. and knowing that people were very happy with the food and service made it all worth while. 

i also found myself ushering because no one else could do it. and even though i was doing things i didn't have to, it just made me happy doing them. knowing that i could help in some way was just so much fun. and knowing that what i did was appreciated after was very rewarding. having theater people say that they would love to have me work with them again meant so much. 

God has showed me how serving others can be rewarding as well. it doesn't always have to be about you. i know i had more fun working this show because i was able to serve others than i ever would if i had chosen to just stick to what i was suppose to do. 

look around you today. is there something that you can do to serve someone? a friend, family, community?