Hope in the Midst of Darkness

recently, i read an article posted by a friend who is about to move to Scotland with his family to church plant.  and until i went to Scotland, the idea of doing missions in a city never crossed my mind. (yes, i am guilty of imagining that missions only happens in third world countries or poverty stricken areas... etc) during my time in Glasgow, i heard about the darkness that loomed over this city from time to time, but never really recognized the seriousness of it until i read this article. take a read if you would like [http://headhearthand.org/blog/2012/11/09/spiritual-report-on-scotland]

as 'dark' as Glasgow is, ironically, my time spent there was filled with much growth. it was the safe haven where i learned more about God and more about myself than i ever imagined. it was the place that taught me how to have hope and live life to the fullest. as i look back and reflect on all the great memories i have had in the beautiful green lands, it gives me more hope because i know that even in the midst of darkness, God is still at work.

in some ways, i feel that much of my time in Scotland was in a spiritual bubble. it was almost as if God knew that if i wasn't protected from this spiritual darkness over the place, i would be hurt, possibly severely. this was a bubble filled with lots of love, encouragement, joy. it was my safe haven to question, learn, grow. i learned what means to love and be loved. God also gently opened my eyes and allowed me to see that there was much need for him. i wasn't blind to the reality of this world. but i couldn't see the need without first knowing God and knowing what is on his heart.

there is hope. there is hope that there are people who care. there are people who care about what is on God's heart. there is hope that no matter how dark it is, God is continually at work. there is hope that in the midst of darkness there is light. and no matter how little this light maybe, it makes a huge difference in the darkness. 

Water

today, i got into the pool to hit some laps. water to me, has always been my comfort, my place to vent. water, for a good number of years, was my life. i love being in water. i could spend hours swimming and never get tired of being in the water. many a time, being in the water was like being taken into a whole new world. 

so after what has been a really long and crazy past two weeks, i returned to the water to seek the comfort i so desperately needed. as i tried to swim my frustrations away, i found myself being more frustrated. the fact that i was still in recovery from being hit by a truck several weeks ago and cracking several ribs hindered me from going anything more than a warm up pace and it was driving me crazy. even the few times i tried to be stubborn and push myself, the pain would be a reminder that i really need to not overdo myself. not to mention, my freshly dislocated shoulder started to ache before long. so with not much of a choice left, i swam at a leisure pace. 

i started to think. why do i love swimming so much? why the water? why was it frustrating me to swim at this leisure pace? why was it such a big deal to me that i dont have a swim team to belong to here? why was it possible for me to spend hours in the water and not be tired of it? eventually i found this answer.. being in the water allowed me to be me, to be really good at something, to surprise people, i was alive in the water. it frustrated me to be unable to go fast because it felt like someone was taking  away the one thing that i was good at. that's a pretty scary thought. 

but in the most subtle way, i felt God speaking to me. as hard as it is, sometimes, i do need to go easy on myself. i have the worst tendencies to get all caught up with things, and under stress, even the necessities like sleep/rest and food disappear. and as much as i love to be fast in the water, it does no harm to just relax and enjoy sometimes. 

also, water is very symbolic. water can be powerful, like the waves of the sea. most importantly, water brings life. that's just like how God is. God is powerful. in the most gentle waves. there are times where the waves are just gently lapping at the beach, but underneath the surface, the currents are stirring up something. God is constantly stirring up something in our lives. at points of exhaustion, we turn to God, for strength, and for new life. when God pours out into our lives, things change. in this broken world, darkness and fear is overwhelming, suffocating. bring life to where you are, in whatever you do. and make a difference. 

God sure knows how to get a message across. (: 

I pray that as I continue to struggle in life, that every time I go for a swim (because I know I won't ever be able to stay away from it), I will be reminded and be renewed with new life. 

Will you bring life to the dry and weary that surround you? 

Faithful

since returning to America last Dec after a life changing semester in Scotland, my life has had more downs than ups. or at least, it feels that way. the transition alone took its toll on me, and i struggled to understand why God would allow me to fall in love with a place and its people so quickly, and then take me away from it. the one place where i could be me, where i was loved for me. is now miles and miles away on a total different continent.


although i've been back a good 3 months now, things haven't been the easiest. i came back a changed person, things here haven't remained the same either. there has been a lot of frustrations, hurt, weariness. but every time i feel like i'm all alone, i'm not. i have awesome friends all around the world who have been there. i have the best big sis who has never failed to be there through the good and the bad, who would drop everything for me. and thanks to technology and skype, the distance seems to fade away.


God has sustained me through this semester so far, and i'm trusting that he will continue to be faithful just like he has been. his timing is perfect, and always seems to send a friend right when i need one. he's the reason i'm still trudging forward.


"God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful." - 1 Cor 1:9

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

its so easy to get caught with evangelism.what is the best thing to say? how can we convince people that they should believe in God? what needs to be done before they can see that God is real and good? how can we help people see that they need God? the truth is, we can't. God is the only one who can convict their hearts. what we can do is live our lives for God and just allow Him to work through us. 


over the past few months, i've been learning how action really does speak louder than words, and it's amazing to witness what God can really do when you just be yourself, and let Him do the work. living your life in honor of God, in obedience to His word, is the greatest testimony to people that surround you. it is one thing to say that you believe in God, but it means a lot more when what you do show that you believe in God. 


not all too surprisingly, people tend to respond a lot more when u're not shoving the bible or God in their faces. how i learned this? doing stalls. basically u have a team of people that set up these wee little stores just outside the smoking areas of the unions where students go to party, especially on the weekends, and offer free tea, coffee and biscuits. while doing it, just chat with people about anything and everything, not necessarily about God. people are always interested and blown away that people would sacrifice their nights, to stand out in the cold, offering free tea and coffee. they see the action, and are touched by it. and over time, there has been testimonies of people who come by week after week (because they are there  partying every week) who have been blessed by volunteers running the stalls, and slowly God convicted them and they were turning back to God or started reading the bible. all because someone cared to show them some love on the weekend. 


i learned that, n the way i put it into practice while in Scotland, was that if i was out with my friends, (which usually involved  partying) i made sure that even when we had drinks, i never got drunk. that usually gets people to question why, and i was very surprised of how respectful people would be toward my decision. i would just be me, be a friend to my friends, and even just through that, God worked through me and people saw God in me. it wasn't me that made it happen, it was God. 


one of the most encouraging experiences was with my rugby captain. who from the first day i met, saw her reject a christian and made me fearful of what she would think when she finds out i am a christian. but instead, we got along great. n by the time it came for me to leave Scotland, she asked if i would pray for her. n hear her say that because i was a christian who never shoved the bible in her face, she's started reading the bible again. you never know what God is doing to what may seem the hardest of hearts. 


there are lots of broken people out there. just be yourself and love people for who they are. your action will show them how much God loves them as well. and allow God to do the conviction. :) 

Faith Like A Child

" Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." - Mark 10:14


This verse has continually been on my mind all week. I read it when doing my reading for bible read through group last weekend, then on Tuesday morning, during the short chapel after prayer group, the passage in particular was spoken about. Then discussing it during read through group Tuesday evening. There's something about a child that is so valuable. So, along with the beautiful weather all week, I've been spending quite a bit of time in parks and what not observing kids and just allowing God to help me see what is it in them that He values so much and want us all to have. 


1. The All or Nothing Attitude


One of my favorite things to do as a kid, that i still love now, is rolling down hills. When I spent the weekend away in Edinburgh, I had good fun watching little kids roll down the hills of Arthur's seat, and joining in for a bit later on. Since it's been beautiful out this past week, I've seen the same thing in the park around the corner from my dorms. Have you ever seen kids with bubbles? They absolutely love it and chasing bubbles is one of the greatest things to do. 


When kids play, they either give it their all, or they do absolutely nothing. When rolling down the hills and getting dirty, when chasing bubbles that the wind carries, they give it everything they've got to roll down that hill as fast as they can or pop the bubble before it disappears. There is no in between. 


In the wonderful grown up world, it's not quite as simple. There's different percentages as to how much we really want to give, or if what we're doing is worth our all. So often when we have to do something, it's never the full 100% unless it is something we have great love and passion for. Otherwise, we just do it well enough to be accepted, and wonder later on how much better it could have been have we given it everything. 


It reminds me of when I used to do competitive swimming. Every practice, you give everything you've got to become stronger and faster. But there will be sets where you only want to go at 70% or 80%. There will be different seasons where instead of just going all out and getting worn out, you hold back, sometimes to as much as 50% or 60% to allow yourself a chance to rest. But when it comes down to the races, it doesn't matter how many times you do the event, for the prelims, quarterfinals, semi finals... no matter how exhausted you many start to feel, when it comes down to the finals, you go all out. you kick and pull as fast as you can with every bit of strength you can find. otherwise, all those hours, days, months of practice goes down the drain. 


When it comes to doing something for God, He wants us to have an all or nothing attitude towards it. Either we do it to the very best of our capabilities, and let Him be glorified, or we don't do it at all. There is no in between. Give of your very best because God deserves the very best.


2. Be Curious and Delight in The Simple Things 


Kids have so much curiosity in them that pretty much anything will spark an interest. anything at all. from the different colors in a book to the tiniest of bug crawling on a leaf. anything that moves or makes a noise. Usually, they get so much joy out of it, even though it might be their care taker's biggest nightmare. 


In our fast paced world, it's so easier to let things go by without paying the slightest attention to them. How often do you take time to just sit and watch the sunrise, or lay out and listen to the creatures making music in the trees? 'I don't have the time', would probably be your answer. It is rather sad to know that people no longer have the time to simply appreciation creation that surrounds us every day. Creation that is created by God for us to delight in. We no longer enjoy watching the flower bloom as we walk by it each day, we forget to thank God that with every sunrise, comes a new day. We forget to say thank you for the blessings that God has given to us. 


God longs for us to delight in the simple things. To enjoy the colors of sunset, to enjoy the colors of fall. To watch the squirrel gathering its food, knowing that God cares enough to watch over them and what more you? When it comes to the bible, God longs for us to be curious about His word. To understand the simplicity of His love, to dig deeper to know Him more and more. 


3. Complete Trust


Ever watched a child giggle and squeal as Daddy tosses them into the air? How does that bring so much joy?    The child is completely unaware of the danger that the action brings. What if Daddy misses catching the child, or if the child was tossed too high, or because the child is so fragile, he or she gets hurt while being caught. These questions don't exist in the child's mind. Simply because they have complete trust in their Father. They know that each time as they fly into the air, Daddy's arms are waiting to catch them. The child knows that no matter what they do, Daddy is never too far away, watching over them like a hawk. The child knows that if they fall, Daddy will be right there to pick them up and help them back on their feet. No matter what the child faces, he or she knows that Daddy will always be there. 


That's the kind of trust that God wants us to have in Him. Sometimes through the struggles of life, we lose sight of Him, we can't see Him, and get frustrated thinking He abandoned us. Instead, He's always right there by our side, holding our hand every step of the way. He's always protecting, always guiding. We just need to trust in Him. Trust that He knows exactly what's going on, trust that He will be there all the way. Even when you fall, He will be there to get you back on your feet. If you ever wander away, He's always waiting with open arms for you to come back. Trust in Him. 


4. Never Let Go


It isn't too hard to find kids throwing a tantrum because they're tired and no longer want to walk. They want to be carried and even when their parents try to explain in the nicest way possible that they are too big or too heavy and need to walk, the one thing kids will do is to cling on as tight as they can and not let go. 
How often do we see kids crying and clinging on to their parents as their parents tell them to be quiet and tries to peel them off their body. 


Growing up, we went on a family vacation to Australia, and like every kid on the planet, I had an obsession with Koala Bears. They were cute and furry and I was so excited to finally get a chance to go to a zoo and hold a real one. No one warned me that koala bears DON'T let go. whether it's a tree, or a person or their baby. so when it was time for me to leave, as much as I didn't want to let it go, the zookeeper comes around and tries to peel this koala off me, but it just kept holding on and would not let go. 


That's what God wants us to do. To hold on to Him and never let go. He will carry us through the storm and through the rain and back out into sunshine. But in your darkest hour, just keep holding on. There is so much going on in our world today, the only way you can stay safe is to hang on to God, and to His word. Don't let to world lead you astray. Hang on to God and never let go. 


5. Resilience 


When you see a child fall, your first instinct is to run to them and make sure that they are alright. Usually, before you can even make it to the child, they are right back on their feet and running around again, as if nothing had happened at all. Kids have incredible resilience, more than we give them credit for. 


We need to be resilient, just like a child. to bounce right back up every time we fall. Sometimes we need a little pick-me-up and that's what God is there for. He will be there to make sure you're alright. We also need to be aware of what surrounds us and be resilient to the things that may lead us astray. Yes, God is watching over us like any loving Father would watch over His child, but it is our decision if we choose to go away from His path. 


Be resilient to any challenges from the enemy. If you hang on to God, you will be equipped with the right armor to stand up strong in times of trial. 






That's all my splash of thoughts about what God has been trying to teach me this past week. I've now seen why kids, might not have all the knowledge in the world, but yet are so precious and valuable to God. 


You are a child of God. Don't stop being a child. :) 

Jesus, My Best Friend

over the past month, i've been on quite an adventure in terms of travelling, but it's been all on my own. not that i dont like company, planning for one, is a lot easier when it's just one person's schedule to worry about. but just the reasons of my travels have made it only possible for me to go on my own. not that i haven't made any friends along the way, but sometimes i can't help but wish that i had some company. 

on the bus ride to Edinburgh earlier this morning, it just really bugged me that i was making this trip on my own. yes, i was staying on and not returning with the group, but i didnt even bother to see if there was anyone i knew that i could have at least spent the day with. leaving home and going to college in another country miles away from home, i've also learned that no matter how good of a 'friendship' you have with someone, distance and tiem difference will change it all. while i've found pretty good people that i'm glad to call 'friends' where ever i've been, its still ever so often a struggle to have a really really good friend that will always be there, no matter what happens. 

between pondering in thought and listening to some brooke fraser on my ipod, it was almost as if i could feel God chuckling and giving me a smack on the back of the head saying, "I'm here you silly. I've always been and will always be." it made me smile just because the answer that i've been seraching for has been there all the while. i didn't even really have to look all that hard if i had just been a little brighter :P 

i sat in my seat and reflected upon the past 2+ years since i've left home for college. it hasn't been the easiest, but i can't deny that God has indeed been there every step of the way. it has been an incredible journey learning to walk closer to Him and just depend on Him, especially when there's literally no one else. every time i freaked out something wasn't going right, it eventually all worked out perfectly according to His plan. He's opened doors that i never even expected because i treated it all as a joke. but nonetheless, it all worked out. 

despite all the changes and moving that has taken place over the past few years, He has been the one thing that remained constant. i still need to work on trusting Him more and more, but He's always there. forgiving and patient, to pick me up every time i fall and help me to keep growing. most of the time, i've found it a lot easier to rant with Him, whethere it's good or bad, because He knows everything and i won't have to keep trying to explain something else to make someone understand y i'm happy or sad. 

Jesus is my best friend. and He can be yours too. He is everything you can possibly want in a best friend. faithful, loyal, encouraging, loving, trust worthy, strength, patient....etc. If you ever feel alone, just call out to Him, because He's there. whether you notice it or not.

i'm reminded of an 'old' song.... "Jesus, You are my best friend, and You will always be. Nothing will ever change that."  

thank God nothing will ever change that. armed with this reminder of a best friend that i always had, it's off for more adventures of learning and growing! :) a

Deep Justice - The Boston Experience

as part of a summer class requirement, i read the book "deep justice in a broken world". what i thought was just going to be something i would read just for class became something that rocked my world. the idea of deep justice is simply righting the wrongs in our broken world. it's finding the root causes of the issues and provide the tools, to come alongside with those in need and help them to solve the issues. not just provide the temporary solutions. 


looking at our world today, we are surrounded by brokenness. the homeless person u walk by each day, the elderly person going through the trash can, the child begging for change on the walkway, the one who sits by themselves every day in the cafeteria. we fail to recognize them, after all, why would we go that far out of our way to help someone who's a complete stranger? 


as i journeyed to Boston, MA for about a week of vacation, i asked God to open my eyes to see. the 2 days that i spent stuck in the Houston airport, i was very very restless. it was a new environment, a big city. what would deep justice look like there? 


upon arrival in Boston, armed w suitcases, and my new friend Nade from Mexico, we attempted to locate the house that we were going to stay at. of cos we got lost and ended up wandering through a housing project that was just a couple of blocks away from our accommodation. there was nothing special about it, but for some reason, i couldn't get the image of it out of my mind. the next few nights, thoughts of the housing project was constantly on my mind. 


after wandering around the city for several days, and having a good time, there was something about that housing project several blocks away that was still edged in my mind. so when i had a morning to myself, i decided to take a walk to the housing projects. at the most if people were looking i could just pretend to walk through it. for some unknown reason, i decided to take a candy bar w me, even tho i just ate n there was no way i would get hungry in the 5-10mins walk i was going to take. 


i was really nervous as i made the walk over. but when i reached, i decided to be a little bit brave and walk around in the projects. that's when i chanced upon the dumping area for trash and i saw a little boy climbing in the trash bin and digging around. surprising myself, i said hi and asked him what he was looking for. "oh you know, just some food. this is the best spot for scraps." he says with pride, a big grin spreading across his face. i cringed on the inside. he was probably no older than 5 or 6, and he was digging for scraps in the trash. 


i offered him my candy bar which he gladly accepted, giving me a huge hug. and we sat down on the steps to chat for a bit. this little guy was 5, has never been to school cos his family can't afford it. his dad is usually gone for long periods of time, 2 older brothers have been arrested for drugs and his mum does odd jobs to make ends meet but hasn't been lucky lately. his mum spends most of her time away from the house so he spends his days looking for scraps to feed himself and 2 younger siblings. its been 3 days since he's had anything close to a meal. 


he then invited me to come to his house w him, said his mum is out and he wanted to give some of the candy bar to his younger siblings. i agreed and meeting the other 2 kids almost had me in tears. they're the most adorable kids and just looking at the little that they had just shocked me to the core. their home was pretty much as big as the typical college kids room that we always complain of being too small. they had one thin mattress that they all shared n one blanket. the room was pretty much bare for the most part. there was a small box or used candles that he proudly told me he collects to help keep them warm in the winter. 


i watched as my little friend rationed his candy bar and it broke my heart. here i was, on vacation, and this little guy hasnt had a meal in days. he'll never know when his next meal is coming either. not knowing what i could do to best help him, i decided, buying them groceries would be the least that i could do. so off to the grocery store we went, and it was by far the best trip of my life. it made me smile watching this little guy stare in awe of the aisles and aisles of items and grin every time he got to pick out something to put into the cart. almost an hour, and $50+ later, we headed back to his home armed w groceries and some blankets that will last them for quite a while. 


what i wasn't expecting was for his mum to be home when we returned, and i'm so thankful that she was very nice and very thankful. she shared w me the dreams she had for my little friend as she said he's the brightest of all her kids and she wanted a good future for him. she wished she could give all her kids a better life. there had to be ways that she could get help, i just didn't know anything about help she could get, especially since i'm not even from Boston. after more sharing and prayer, i left their home, promising to come by and bid farewell when it was my time to leave. 


i bet u're thinking just the same. my story ends here. but instead, later that night, for the life of me i couldn't fall asleep and ended up doing extensive research of ways to help my little friend and his family. i was surprised at the amount of help that was out there that they could possibly get. unknown to them, because unlike me, they didn't have the internet. but there was help out there and i was so glad i found all this out, even though that meant losing sleep. the day i was departing, i went by their home to bid farewell, as well as give them all the information i had gathered that could possibly help them. 


when i was stuck in Houston on the way to Boston, i wondered if i was even suppose to go at all. but knowing that i made a difference in the life of my little friend and his family, made the entire trip worth it. sure i had a blast being a tourist and meeting up w diff people, but none of that beats spending time w this little guy and being able to bless his family. 


i pray everyday that they will be able to have a better life, and find God in the midst of it all. 


is there someone that u can help? someone that's been ignored and made invisible. be the eyes that see them, be the hands that reach out to them.