Under the Shadow of His Wing

what does it mean to live under the shadow of God's wing? growing up, several of my favorite songs have the words "under the shadow of Your wing" there's the idea of safety, protection, comfort, under His wing. but what does that really mean? and then there's the image of God and He soars like an eagle in the wind. as a child, i always imagined that God was a big, powerful eagle, and as He soared in the sky, there's little me that's hiding right under His wing, safe from everything else. 


this past weekend was good friday and easter, a time where we remember the death of Christ and celebrate His resurrection. while most people were in church, at meditative services, i was out in the country, at a barn, mowing this huge lawn on a beastly mower. so i asked God to teach me something while i was VERY HAPPILY driving this mower with all its power. plus, it felt like i was riding a horse which made it even more awesome. up and down, back and forth. as much fun as i was having with the mower, when u have a big area to cover, it slowly will begin to get a tad boring. 


so i'm going fast on this great beastly mower, having the time of my life (yes, it was very exciting to this Asian kid that has never mowed a lawn), and all of a sudden, i see this huge shadow coming from above me and it looked like a bird so i literally thought that this giant bird was going to attack me from the top/behind and started slowing down to a stop. in the middle of the field.(mind you, there were people around who were preparing for a wedding reception. which was why i was 'rushing' to get this field mowed).  then the shadow got smaller so i looked up, just to make sure there really wasn't anything that was going to attack me. but instead of this giant bird flying through the sky as i was expecting, this "giant bird" was merely a hawk catching the wind and soaring through the sky. 


my first thought? "WOW". now i feel enlightened about the phrase "under the shadow of Your wing". the idea of being safe under the shadow of His wing makes so much sense now, not because we're small, but because the shadow is HUGE. also, to create such a huge shadow, God has to be above us, and He watches us from above, with the bird's eye view, keep us safe from all danger. 


something i've learned recently is that God really can teach you through anything. especially when you least expect it. you just have to ask. so next time you're stuck doing something and you're at the brink of boredom, ask God to teach you something through whatever you're doing. if He can teach me something when i was happily mowing the field on the monster mower, imagine what else He could teach you if you asked of Him. 

Pause, Catch A Breath.

the past weekend and week has been really really crazy. swamped with countless activities, tests, assignments, research papers.... countless hours spent doing everything but studying, n then the many hours of sleep forsaken trying to catch up on the books. 


but despite everything that was going in school, it was the things on my mind that troubled me the most. as you probably would have heard by now, Japan was hit hard by a massive earthquake and tsunami on march 11. my friend from high school (we played together in a band) lost her home to the earthquake and until today, more than a month later, has yet to find her parents or any other relatives. since she made the decision to return to Japan to search for them, there's been 3 major aftershock earthquakes in the past week n i have yet to hear from her. i can only pray that she is still safe some where. 


so yes i've been feeling so mentally, physically n emotionally drained. n its in this valley where i start to ask, where is God in all this? i feel like my life is spiraling very quickly out of control. where is God? i'm sure He knows the pain and suffering of Japan. where is God? all the plans i had that were suppose to work now no longer seem to exist. where is God? i really could use some God in my life now. where is God? 


if u do already know, i have a little obsession with take pictures. n because i love sunsets, i always take a ton of sunset pics. so over this past week of insanity, i take a couple of minutes every day, to watch the sunset and capture moments of it. to sit in the peace and quiet, just watching the sun go down as it colors the sky all around it. this is something that has helped me hang on to that very thin thread all week. there is something very calming about watching the sun go down. watching it paint the skies with magnificent colors. it is in those moments that i can't help but marvel at His beautiful creation. 


it is in those moments of stillness that i found the answer. i've been like a train running non stop. rest isn't an option. every time something is complete, it's time to start moving on to the next thing. with everything starting to overwhelm me, the focus was keeping my head above the water, not so much of trying to see how God was working in my life. but as always, in His still gentle voice, I hear the gentle assuring voice. all those times i asked "where is God?", He was right there beside me. i just couldn't see it because i was too caught up with everything else. because He wasn't where i wanted Him to be, to me, He wasn't there. 


i've learned to treasure those moments of watching the sun go down. to pause, and catch my breath before i take off in a dead sprint to finish something else. i've learned to stop and see where God is, how He is constantly at work in our lives, even when we fail to see it. 

just as the sun sets everyday, we know it's going to rise in the morning. at the end of each day, commit all your worries, frustrations, pain to God, because when the morning comes around, He'll turn them into joy. don't keep asking "God, where are you?" because He's always right by your side. ask "God, help me to see what You see." 

Trusting and Allowing the Father to Work Through You

this past week in chapel, i got an opportunity to share a song that i wrote about the devastation brought about by the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan.it wasn't something that i spent an incredible amount of time on or anything, more like a spur of the moment and it all just came together. 

but after i found out that my good fren from high school, who's japanese, lost her home to the earthquake, and had yet to find her parents, the words of my song began to mean so much more to me, and i started to care a lot more about what was going on in Japan, the devastation and aftermath. 

i had 2 of my friends here at college to play the piano and sing with me, but still i was shaking before it was time for us to sing. i was very very nervous. and i felt very vulnerable. for once, i didn't have my guitar to hide behind, and i knew i had to keep my emotions in check to finish singing the song. 

my biggest worry was my emotions. it was the first time that i was going to share with people something that i wrote, and also, i had found out that my friend, was headed back to Japan to search for her parents. i was very afraid that she would get hurt, that i may never see her again. plus, i felt like i had no clue what i was doing and wanted to back out of it all. 

i remember whispering a prayer just as we were getting on stage, for God to do something. i was nervous, n people who knew kept telling me to focus on my friend, which just made me want to cry. i chose to share the song because i wanted people to know what was going on out there, and also, i wanted them to see that even in hopeless situations, that He could still work wonders. I wanted people to know how blessed they were, and how much those people were in need. 

the vulnerability i felt hit really hard when i had to share the "history" of the song. i was literally pouring my heart out to people, and i had no idea how they would respond. having spent time talking and listen to my friend share about all she was going through, the words of the song just seem to come alive. by the time i was done, i was struggling to hold back tears. 

i know God moved my heart, but it was only after all the comments that i saw how He was moving in the lives of others as well. it was not longer about me, and i was so glad that people were touched by the song, and they experienced God in some way through it. 

ever so often, trusting God seems near impossible. especially when we have many other things going on in our minds. but when u make that choice to trust Him, you will see Him moving and touching lives, beyond your imagination. 

The Smile of a Child

last night, we had a sleep out event to raise awareness for malaria, and earlier today, some of us headed to a hospital to spend some time with kids there. 

i love little kids and i could watch them all day long. i love watching them get all excited over the little things, their beautiful smiles. the one thing that really struck me this weekend, was the suffering of the all the kids. 

at our 'imagine no malaria' event, we learned that in Africa, a child dies from malaria every 45 secs. at the hospital, we spend time with kids who were terminally ill, some too young to even understand what they were going through, but still they we smiling and playful. bringing so much joy. 

it made me ask God why. why He allowed them to suffer, why He couldn't just save them all. but then i saw how He was working through their lives. these kids, sick they maybe, but they had the biggest hearts that had so much love, the biggest smiles that carried so much joy. there were some kids who were 'visitors' and just came to hang out. i saw new friendships made, exchanging coloring pages. 

if God could use the little kids, who were sick, some hooked up to machines. what more can He do through us? but first we have to be willing to obey His Word, and allow Him to do the work in and through us. Even if you think you don't have anything to offer, He can still use you. 

these kids had nothing to offer except their child-likeness, their love, their smile. and God is using them. to touch the lives of everyone around them. the doctors, nurses, visitors, friends, family. 

i remember the smile of the children, and i remember that no one is ever too young to be used by God. :)